Category: Child Upbringing (Tarbiyyah)
Fatwa#: 40970
Asked Country: Canada

Answered Date: Sep 11,2018

Title: How to deal with strict parents

Question

Assalamu Alaiykum,

I am a 16 year old, and my father is anooying me a lot. They don't let me enjoy my life, rather, they are on my nerves all day, dispensing their temper and anger ALL day!! They want me to be like Muhammad bin qaasim, but they need to understand that I can't. How should I deal with this?
I've been in stress since 2-3 months, and I am not sure what to do? Please advise me accordingly

Jazakallah khair

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Dear Brother Mahmood,

We take note of the contents of your email and your feeling of frustration. However, you have not described the exact details of your predicament.

It is a common misconception amongst teenagers to assume that their parents do not understand them. Differences of opinion are common but how we deal and respond to these issues, especially when we are dealing with parents is necessary for us to understand.

The first and foremost right of a child is that he/she has an Islamic upbringing. Parents are responsible for their religious and spiritual training. Your parent’s are simply fulfilling their responsibility of looking after your spiritual development.

The scenario in reference clearly indicate you have parents who are responsible and are exerting their energies behind your success. Had they been irresponsible, they would never care whatever you do.

Almighty Allah mentions in the Quraan:

 “O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones.”

 (Surah Al-Tahrim, Verse 6)

Believe in the love of your parents and know that whatever they do is motivated by their love for you. Yes, they are human beings who are prone to error. You may dislike their attitude and the way they do certain things. However, value their love for you. Advice from parents are only motivated by love and concern for success.

Shariah emphasizes the importance of respecting one’s parents. Always show respect to one’s parents. Kindness to ones parents through fulfilling their rights, serving them and making them happy is among the dearest and most beloved deeds to Allah.

 

Allah Taalah says:

و وصينا الانسان بوالديه احسانا 

Translation: “And we have enjoined upon Mankind showing compassion to parents”

(Surah Al- Ankaboot, Verse 8) 

 

You state that your parents dispense their anger on you. You should analyse the situation of anger honestly. If you have erred, then you should acknowledge the anger and rectify yourself.

If you have not erred, then discuss your feelings with your father in a respectful and dignified way.

 

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Muhammad I.V Patel

Student Darul Iftaa
Lusaka, Zambia

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

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