Category: Character, Morals (Akhlaaq)
Fatwa#: 38576
Asked Country: India

Answered Date: Aug 12,2017

Title: I blame my parents

Question

As my parent's are not open to me regarding sexual issues, due to their ignorance, i was unknowingly involved in many unlawful sexual activities like homosexuality (4-5 times during my teen age) , watching porn & masturbation, lustful staring on women, watching mainstream movies whole night etc for years. I remember every time i used to watch porn, immediately after climax i used to repent with tearful eyes. and This happened for around roughly 8 years. I have repented of all these sins and completely left them. Because i have committed such a major sins, there is a huge burden on my heart which only i can feel. Continously my heart puts blame on my parents as they were ignorant and didn't protect me from these sins, because of which i was involved in such sins. I am not able to forgive them for this lapse from their side. Because i think blot of these sins will always remain on my heart and i hurts me a lot when i think of those sins. Many times i fell depressed and get angry. 
Alhamdulillah since last year, i have left all of those sins post i joined tablighi jamat. Please suggest me how can i forgive my parents as i am not able to do so? Also suggest me how can i remove the stains and effects of those sins from my heart?

Make dua for me as now i intend to do Hifz so i could get some solace. May allah assist me to work hard so as to become closer to him.

Answer

We take note of the contents of your email.

Imaan is the strongest support for a believer. It is the barakah of your Imaan that you resent the wrongs you have committed and wish to reform. That is a sign of your Imaan, Allah consciousness of accountability in the court of Allah Taala. Turn to Allah. Constantly make tawbah and never repeat the sin again.

It is natural for a youth to experience a biological change and the feeling to fulfil ones carnal desires. A youth may feel the force and demand of the carnal desires to be like a huge army. If he controls his passion and desires, he will be able to confront the various challenges of life with much ease and comfort as it is much easier to combat an external force than an internal one. Regard this phase of life as a training to strengthen yourself against the challenges of life. If you succeed in combatting your carnal desires, the rest is much easier.

You have to change your mind-set regarding your parents. You state that you unknowingly committed the above wrongs yet you used to repent. That shows you knew what was wrong and what was right. It is wrong to blame your parents. Furthermore, The Imaan you have is due to the Imaan of your parents. They preserved you and raised you with Imaan. It is the Imaan in you resent the wrongs you refer to. That credit is due to your parents. In fact, you should be thankful to them for raising you with having the consciousness of Imaan. It is also possible that your parents have been making dua for you and your present condition of realising your wrongs and treading the path of piety is the acceptance of your parents duas for you.

 

We advise you to continue being tolerant and respectful to your parents. Furthermore, this is an injunction of Allah Ta’ālā in the Qur’an.

Allah Ta’ālā says,

وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا. وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُلْ رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا.

“Your Sustainer has ordained that you do not worship but him and that you show kindness to your parents. If one of them or both of them reach old age in your life, do not say to them: ‘Ugh!’ nor scold them. Rather, speak to them with respect. Lower before them the wing of humility out of tenderness and say: ‘O Sustainer! Show mercy to them as they reared me when I was little.’ الإسراء: 23، 24 

 

وَاعْبُدُوا اللَّهَ وَلا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئاً وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَاناً وَبِذِي الْقُرْبَى وَالْيَتَامَى وَالْمَسَاكِينِ وَالْجَارِذِي الْقُرْبَى وَالْجَارِ الْجُنُبِ وَالصَّاحِبِ بِالْجَنْبِ وَابْنِ السَّبِيلِ وَمَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ 

Worship Allah and join none with him (in worship), and do good to parents, kinfolk, orphans, poor, (the) neighbour who is near of kin, (the) neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the way farer (you meet) and those (slaves) whom your right hands possess” النساء:  36

 

We make dua that Allah Ta’ālā put barakah in your youth and make you pious and an asset for the Ummah.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Huzaifah Deedat

Student Darul Iftaa
Lusaka, Zambia

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

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