Fatwa: # 16631
Category: Jurisprudence and Rulings...
Country: United States
Date: 24th April 2008


I was a non-Muslim woman before I started dating my muslim boyfriend


I was a non-muslim woman before I started dating my muslim boyfriend.  Are relationship was not restricted when it came to sexual intamacy, kissing, touching, spending time alone together. Then, I became a muslim and we stopped the sexual intamacy but sleep in the same bed, touch, and spend alone time together. Just recently we did this: we promised "by Allah, I promise myself to you" Both of us promised this to each other, then, engaged in sexual intamacy. We decided before then that we are going to get marriend, but this was the first time we actually said it. Now, we are talking and thinking "Is this promise to Allah and to ourselves just as valid as a public marriage?" We both want to do what is right, and we both know that we were haram before.  Now, we don't know what to think or do. Please help us, in our minds everything we are doing is okay??


In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

According to Shariah (Islamic Law) it is haram (strictly prohibited) for both of you to be in contact with each other. It is human nature to be attracted to the opposite gender. It is not surprising that your’ll engaged in sexual intimacy as that is the natural consequences of being alone. Butter placed next to fire will melt. Both of you should make tawba (repent) to Allah for the sin of fornication. If your’ll wish to live as husband and wife,  perform nikah (get married).

The procedure of Nikah in Islam is both of you commit to be husband and wife in the presence of at least two Muslim males or one adult Muslim and two adult female Muslims. By merely regarding each other as married is not sufficient. The relationship will still be haram and strictly prohibited. It invokes the anger of Allah.

We advise both of you to contact the Imam of your locality and request him to perform your nikah in the presence of the congregation. Also request him for assistance in educating yourself in Islam.

And Allah knows best


Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa


Procedure of Nikah

A Nikah is performed with a proposal (Iejaab) by the male or female and acceptance (Qubool) by the male or female in the past tense and in the presence of two male Muslim witnesses (Hidaaya vol. 2).

It is Sunnat that the marriage be announced and performed in the Masjid and the bride be represented by her Mahram (father, brother, etc.). The bride gives consent to her representative (Wakeel) in the presence of two witnesses to perform her marriage at the Masjid. At the Masjid, the Wakeel represents the bride in the presence of the two witnesses and the stipulated dowry. The witnesses must be two trustworthy and pious male Muslims who are not her ascendants e.g. father, grandfather or decendants e.g. son, grandson, etc.

The Mahr (dowry) is the woman's right and should be stipulated prior to the marriage. 

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